


Bailing Out

by pansystan



Series: Shit Slytherins Say [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pansystan/pseuds/pansystan
Summary: Daphne sets Pansy up on a tragic date, Crabbe punches a cop, Draco gets arrested. Concludes with waffles.





	Bailing Out

**Author's Note:**

> I legit love writing texting fics bc they're so fun and easy to write. This has spelling and grammar errors in that it has no spelling and grammar, also uses emojis which ao3 doesn't support so theyre just written and meme references that are already out of date

**_Pansy_** _to_ ** _greengrass sr:_** DAPHNE GWENDOLYN GREENGRASS I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL U

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _painsy:_** U know, it’s rude to text whilst ur on a date

**_Daphne:_** Also

**_Daphne:_** Gwendolyn??

**_Daphne:_** That’s a new one

**_Pansy:_** THIS ISNT A DATE IT’S A FUCKING PRISON SENTENCE

**_Pansy:_** HOW COULD U DO THIS TO ME

**_Pansy:_** I TRUSTED U

**_Daphne:_** Okay what’s wrong?

**_Daphne:_** I was being serious about the rude thing

**_Pansy:_** I’m in the loo u snake

**_Daphne:_** What’s up???

**_Pansy:_** How could u set me up w this … this …. monster??????

**_Daphne:_** He wears cardigans w/ elbow patches and has a 6 figure trust fund

**_Pansy:_** That’s not what I meant and you know it

**_Daphne:_** I literally have no idea what ur talking about??

**_Pansy:_** This is nosebleed boy

**_Daphne:_** WHAT??????????

**_Daphne:_** OH MY GOD

**_Daphne:_** NOSEBLEED BOY IS HARRY??????

**_Pansy:_** AND U SET US UP ON A BLIND DATE IM GOING TO THROW UR LOUIS VUITTON IN THE POOL

**_Daphne:_** IM SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW

**_Daphne:_**  You never told me his name

**_Pansy:_** UR IN FOR IT

 

**_Pansy_ ** _changed the name of the group chat to_ **_snakes don’t hiss they set u up w/ your mortal enemy_ **

**_Draco:_** Short and snappy, I like it

**_Pansy:_** I need someone to come and rescue me from the steakhouse down the road from contempo right now

**_Daphne:_** I didn’t know!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m sorry!!!!!!!!!!

**_Pansy_ ** _removed_ **_Daphne_ ** _from the group_

**_Blaise:_** Wait what happened???

**_Pansy:_** SOMEONE (Daphne) set me up on a blind date w that boy who I went on a date w last Nov

**_Blaise:_** Wait the one who got really drunk then got a nosebleed when he kissed u????

**_Pansy:_** YES not to mention that he SHOOK MY HAND when he dropped me home come SAVE ME

**_Millicent:_** To be fair.. you never told us his name

**_Pansy_ ** _removed_ **_Millicent_ ** _from the group_

**_Pansy:_** Anyone else??

 

**_Draco_** _to_ **_satan’s little helper:_** I’m here are you still in the bathroom?

**_Pansy_** _to_ ** _drago:_** Can you die from drinking soap?

**_Draco:_** You’re not committing suicide

**_Pansy:_** Try me

**_Draco:_** We can go to Chuck’s on the way home

**_Pansy:_** Fine but only if I can get waffle fries

**_Draco:_** Consider it done

**_Draco:_** Wait

**_Draco:_** Why is Potter here …….

**_Pansy:_** …

**_Draco:_** PANSY

**_Draco:_** Don’t u dare tell me you’ve been on two dates with Harry fucking Potter

**_Pansy:_** Technically neither of them was a full date

**_Draco:_** I’m revoking waffle fry privileges

 

**_Harry_** _to_ ** _Pansy P:_** So… I guess I wasn’t the only one who found that immensely awkward?

**_Pansy_** _to_ ** _[face with medical mask emoji]:_** Why are u texting me I literally ran right past you out of the restaurant

**_Pansy:_** of course I found it fucking awkward

**_Harry:_** Fair enough, no third chance then?

 

* * *

 

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _Harry:_** 12 Hargrove, come at like 10 when she’s drunk but not paralytic

**_Harry_** _to_ ** _Daphne:_** This feels immoral

**_Daphne:_** he says to the Slytherin

 

* * *

 

**_Blaise_** _to_ ** _goats and foes:_** Pucey just knocked himself out trying to get a beer

**_Astoria:_** Just Pucey Things™

**_Draco:_** He truly is an inspiration to us all

**_Blaise:_** He’s also sprawled right in the middle of the fuckign kitchen

**_Draco:_** Where’s Crabbe?? Get him to move it

**_Astoria:_** it

**_Millicent:_** Crbjn s sfdon marcub but borne alcohsd

**_Blaise:_** Thank you for that insight

**_Daphne:_** She said Crabbe’s gone with Marcus to buy more alcohol

**_Blaise:_** You can read that?

**_Daphne:_** No I’m holding her hair back whilst she vomits & she told me

**_Draco:_** I don’t think she needs any more alcohol

**_Millicent:_** [snake emoji] [snake emoji] [octopus emoji]

**_Astoria:_** Octopi don’t hiss they responsibly parent you when you’re hammered at 10pm

**_Draco:_** As the saying goes

**_Daphne:_** Wait it’s 10 already??

**_Daphne:_** Where’s Pansy?

 

**_Blaise_** _to_ ** _[smiling face with sunglasses emoji]:_** Where are you ?? Daphne’s looking for you

**_Pansy_** _to_ ** _Bruno Mars:_** And I’m looking for meaning at the bottom of this drink but I haven’t found it yet

**_Blaise:_** God you’re dramatic

**_Pansy:_** That’s rich coming from you

**_Blaise:_** Yes I am, now where are you?

**_Pansy:_** Let’s say.. hypothetically// I were in the kitchen

**_Pansy:_** Why would u want to know?

 

**_Blaise_** _to_ ** _Dab-ne:_** She’s int he kitchen

**_Blaise:_** Is that Potter?

**_Blaise:_** You’re going to hell

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _420 Blaze it:_** [smiling face with sunglasses emoji] see u there fucker

 

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _Harry:_** It’s all on u now Romeo

**_Daphne:_** Knock em dead

**_Harry_** _to_ ** _Daphne:_** You know, you’re not half bad Greengrass

**_Daphne:_** Shut the fuck up, we’re not friends

**_Harry:_** Fair play

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_Astoria_** _to_ ** _goats and foes:_** Guys the cops are here

**_Theo:_** Fuck

**_Blaise:_** Draco just punched Harry

**_Daphne:_** Wtf???? Why’d he punch him????

**_Theo:_** Seriously??? That’s what ur worried abt rn??

**_Blaise:_** He had his hand up Pansy’s skirt [eyes emoji]

 

* * *

 

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _fuk the police:_** Is everyone okay????

**_Blaise:_** Crabbe punched a police officer in the face

**_Theo:_** Poor fucker

**_Blaise:_** Knocked him out cold lmao

**_Astoria:_** Is Millie okay????? She was incoherent

**_Daphne:_** Yeah I brought her home

 

**_Pansy_** _to_ ** _greengrass sr:_** Draco and Harry got arrested

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _painsy:_** Fuck what the fuck??

**_Daphne:_** Are they okay???

**_Pansy:_** Idk I have to go pick them up

**_Pansy:_** Harry’s gonna hate me

**_Daphne:_** No he won’t, dw it’s not ur fault!!

**_Pansy:_** Tru

**_Pansy:_** It’s urs

**_Pansy:_** Don’t think I don’t know it was u who invited him

**_Daphne:_** On second thought

**_Daphne:_** Wasn’t my skirt he had his hand up

**_Pansy:_** Fuck off

**_Pansy:_** For real do u think he’ll hate me??

**_Daphne:_** Only one way to find out

 

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _TheHoe:_** Harry and draco got arrested

**_Daphne:_** Pans has gone to bail them out

**_Theo_** _to_ ** _Daft knee:_** Holy fuck

**_Theo:_** If they didn’t kill each other in jail

**_Theo:_** Lmaoo just imagining Draco in jail

**_Daphne:_** _‘_ My father will hear about this!’

**_Theo:_** ‘You want me sleep on _that_? Do you even _know_ who my father is?’

**_Daphne:_** Classic Draco

 

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _TheHoe:_** Seriously though .. do you think Draco knows how to make a shiv?

**_Theo_** _to_ ** _Daft knee:_** Dw he wouldn't want to get blood on his Armani

 

**_Draco_** _to_ ** _fuk the police:_** I lived, bitches

**_Blaise:_** I can’t believe you got arrested

**_Blaise:_** How are you cooler than me???

 

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _Harry:_** Holy shit i’m so sorry i got u arrested

**_Harry_** _to_ ** _Daphne:_** No worries Greengrass

**_Harry:_** I think this means we’re friends now though

**_Daphne:_** Can’t be friends w my bestie’s hookups

**_Daphne:_** It’s the law, soz

**_Harry:_** One second

 

**_Pansy_** _to_ ** _greengrass sr:_** Harry wants me to tell u that he and I are going out for breakfast

**_Pansy:_** for some reason????

**_Pansy:_** Lowkey … he has a black eye and i kinda love it

**_Pansy:_** That’s weird right??

 

**_Daphne_** _to_ ** _Harry:_** Consider us friends I suppose

**_Harry_** _to_ ** _Daphne:_** [smirking face emoji]

 

**_Draco_** _to_ ** _Potter:_** Sorry for punching you I guess

**_Harry_** _to_ ** _Dickhead Malfoy:_** Sorry for fingering ur best mate

**_Draco_** ** _:_** I wish i’d killed u in jail

 

**_Harry_** _to_ ** _Pansy [red heart emoji]:_** You have whipped cream on your nose

**_Pansy_** _to_ ** _[smiling face emoji]:_** I know [winking face emoji]

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on [tumblr](https://graengrs.tumblr.com) if you want to know more about me & support my writing


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